Yiddisher Bowie

I’m starting a band; a Klezmer David Bowie tribute band. I’m calling it Rebel Shmebel!

Yes, it’s the Jewish holy week of Passover and I’m finally revealing this long-gestated plan and putting out the call for band members.

So what exactly is Klezmer? Well, according to our old friend Google, here’s the definition…

klezmer noun Traditional Eastern European Jewish music, a musician who plays Klezmer music, plural noun: klezmorim

And here’s what it sounds like…

What’s on our playlist? Well, I’ve given it a lot of thought. We’ll have to open with Rebel Shmebel, our signature number, and then follow up with the classic Life on Matzos. We could try The Jean Rabbi (lives for Shabbat, loves a jeany kippah!) and Let’s Schvitz (grow out your payot and schvitz nigumim!). I’ve also been working on the epic ballad of Major Shlomo in Space Mishegoss, of course! Can you think of any more? Please leave any Yiddish Bowie titles in the comments section. I can’t get enough of them!

Bowie in his most famous incarnation, the Jewish spaceman Major Shlomo

So who’s with me? I’ll need someone on accordion and a hot clarinetist, as well as one of those box drums that you sit on. We’ll play weddings, barmitzvahs and funerals. If we’re really good, how about trying for Britain’s Got Talent?!

I couldn’t find any actual Klezmer Bowie on You Tube so here’s something of which I’m sure the Dame would have approved. Surely he was a Rammstein fan…

And here’s some rabbis singing Lou Reed…

Happy Passover everyone! Kraitt out!

PS Another reminder to click the link below to purchase my superb novel Black Moon for your preferred reading device. It’s great and it kicks off with a Bowie quote so what’s not to like!?

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Bah Humbug #1 – We’re All Mugs!

I’m mad as hell, etc…

As the home-made paper hearts flutter down after Mother’s Day and we prepare for the chocolate siege of Easter, I can’t help feeling like a mealy-mouthed curmudgeon in my creaky middle age. The thing is: I’m bah humbug about this constant need to celebrate something!

Just look at our calendar now. Before we’ve recovered from Christmas, we’re headlong into Valentine’s Day, and then the shops are cleared for Mother’s Day before St Patrick’s Day (since when did we all become Irish!?) and a now extended Easter followed by Father’s Day – thankfully a blessed break over the summer – then we’re already forced to start our Christmas shopping in September, although there’s a fortnight hiatus over Halloween when we all briefly become Pagans. It won’t be long before Comic Relief Day and Graham Norton’s Birthday are declared public holidays. And why are we constantly being forced back into the shops for more greetings cards, fluffy tat, chocolate, booze and frozen canapes?

Because we’re mugs!

If the British people are told to spend money, they just cannot resist. And in an era when the high street resembles an old Western ghost town with old crumpled till receipts floating like tumbleweed past the boarded shopping malls of our retail past – and we sit hunched over our mobile devices clicking the free delivery option before parcelling up yet another item to return, the greeting cards companies and inventors of useless gifts are desperately scrabbling to stay in business. So they convince us to celebrate these modern versions of the high holy day and we lap it up. We love it. I do understand the need to grab an opportunity to celebrate and have fun with the world on the brink of either environmental catastrophe or political annihilation but can’t they just lay off the hard sell? Give us a break!

As my precociously teenage son James has just asked me: “What has a flat screen TV got to do with Easter?” What indeed!

Last minute shopping in Ipswich before Valerie Singleton Day, 2016

See you next week for some more humbug – unless I’ve cheered up of course. Happy St Patrick’s Day!

Kraitt out!

PS Just a quick reminder that my brilliant novel Black Moon is available to download now! So why not buy it as a gift to yourself to celebrate the clocks going back next weekend! Follow the link below…

Black Moon for FREE! Time is ticking…

Regular readers will know that I returned to the blogosphere this week with news of an AMAZING FREE GIFT! Well, it’s here and it’s now so if you want a sparkly free download of my epic fantasy action horror novel Black Moon, please click on the cover image above and TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!!

This astounding offer only lasts until Sunday 4th March, so go ahead – make your weekend! These people did and they’re clearly delighted…

Just look at those happy faces!

There’ll be a new blog next week so see you then. In the meantime, here are the wonderful Cowboy Junkies singing a tenuously linked song…

Kraitt Out!

And we’re back with a FREE GIFT!!

Hey strangers! Sorry about the long period of radio silence. For the very few of you suffering from a roblogtime-shaped hole in your empty lives, thank your lucky stars: I’m back and I’m blogging again!!

Regular readers will know that I started this here blog to tell you about, and then promote, a novel I wrote ten years ago and then left in a bottom drawer. So to celebrate my return to the blogosphere, I’m offering you – my dear readers – the opportunity to read this extraordinary tome about a teenager who loses his family, develops super powers, thinks he’s a werewolf and stumbles on a global conspiracy ABSOLUTELY FREE.

That’s right!

From Wednesday 28th February, simply hit the attractive book cover below and you’ll be taken to a famous online store where you’ll be able to download the amazing Black Moon without paying a penny. It’s just like Christmas all over again!

Better be quick now, blogsters! The offer only lasts until Sunday 4th March.

And that’s not all! I’m going to try really really hard to keep blogging – every week! So you’ll be able to read my musings on all sorts of things and help me make sense of this crazy planet. Who knows!? I might even try and write another book, and I’ll tell you all about that too. It’s all for free so don’t touch that dial!

So in celebration of this cat being back, here’s the return of another dude. Twin Peaks fans waited a bizarre 16 hours for this scene…

Don’t forget to come back next week for some bah humbug!

Kraitt out!

The Beatles’ Lost Album

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Last time, Rob used the natural phenomenon of the Black Moon as a shameless marketing opportunity. Now for something a little different…

A few weeks ago, my son James and I went on an outing to London to see the wonderful new movie Eight Days A Week: The Touring Years. For those of you that don’t know, the film is a documentary about the Beatles during their heyday when they were the biggest band in the world – and it’s pure joy. I’m not going to review it here. Peter Bradshaw in the Guardian says it better than I ever could: “A wave of euphoria and happiness pours from the screen, and [director Ron] Howard’s movie surfs that wave.” Read his review here.

James is twelve but has been a Beatles fan since he pilfered my Sergeant Pepper CD some years back (clever boy) so we spent the following few hours basking in our favourite bits and geeking out over the movie’s many treasures; speculating on what the Beatles would be doing now if all still alive (I’m certain Bob Geldof would have got them back together for Live Aid!).

This speculation led to us setting ourselves a fun exercise: to put together our own Beatles album from the solo work released following their break-up. It should sound something like a Beatles record released around 1974, with two sides like a real LP and a title. We also set a loose formula (from which I strayed): four Lennons, four McCartneys, two Harrisons and a Ringo!

So here are our lost Beatles albums:

DREAM AWAY by James

Side 1: Cold Turkey (Lennon), Gimme Some Truth (Lennon), Monkberry Moon Delight (McCartney), Working Class Hero (Lennon), Wah Wah (Harrison)

Side 2: Let Me Roll It (McCartney), I Dig Love (Harrison), Crippled Inside (Lennon), It Don’t Come Easy (Starr), On You (McCartney), All Things Must Pass (acoustic from Beatles Anthology, Harrison)

SHINE ON, EVERYONE by Rob

Side 1: Instant Karma (Lennon), Let ‘Em In (McCartney), Crippled Inside (Lennon), Six O’Clock (Starr), You (Harrison)

Side 2: #9 Dream (Lennon), Another Day (McCartney), How? (Lennon), If Not For You (Harrison), Maybe I’m Amazed (McCartney)

We’ve playlisted them up so you can listen to them on Spotify (technology, eh?). Just follow the links:

DREAM AWAY

SHINE ON, EVERYONE

We’re rather proud of our efforts, and it was great to hear some of John, Paul, George and Ringo’s solo adventures for the first time. I’m particularly impressed at how edgy James has gone with his album (and Working Class Hero is an epic pick!).

What would you choose? What’s on your Beatles lost album? Feel free to tell us in the comments section, or on Facebook.

Until next time. Shine on, everyone!

Kraitt out

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If you enjoyed The Beatles’ Lost Album, check out some more of my other posts at Roblogtime. You can also read my self-published novel Black Moon, available now on Amazon Kindle. For more details, visit the Black Moon website at www.black-moon.online.

Black Moon TONIGHT!!

FRANCE-MOON-FEATURE

Last time, Rob self-published his YA novel BLACK MOON on Kindle. He has been a little busy since so this is his first blog for several weeks. So far, the book has been selling like hot cakes that not very many people are aware of but selling nonetheless….

In an amazing twist of good publicity, the people of Britain will be able to experience the glory (or not) of a Black Moon this very evening! Click here for a full explanation from those nice people at the Daily Telegraph.

SO this gives me the opportunity to remind every single one of you that my YA novel BLACK MOON is OUT and available on Amazon. You can visit the official website here or go straight to Amazon for a downloadable copy. Here are some glowing review quotes:

A fantastic book.” P Courtney

Highly recommended if the long summer days are starting to send any parents potty!” RG

A beautifully written, captivating story.” SuSu

These reviews may or may not be written by people I know!

Judge for yourself. Buy it now! And check out the Black Moon tonight but it may be underwhelming as it will likely be a dark circle against a dark sky – but then you can’t have everything!

Oh and watch out for mad men on the moors!

In other news, I hope to have something exciting to tell you about the book very soon. I’m working on making it available in actual book form! Not just as an e-book! Exciting times so watch this space.

Kraitt out!

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An actual astronaut digs into his copy of Black Moon

It’s business time (almost).

Last time, Rob’s novel BLACK MOON was sent out to publishers…and sent straight back! Yes, he received the nicest of rejections and huge encouragement but no mainstream publishers accepted his work. So here we are…

Hello, everyone. Sorry for the radio silence. I’ve been busy.

The novel has been proofed and corrected (thanks to Jodie Hatley for your sterling work). My brilliant brother Steve has designed an eye-catching cover for me. So I’ve spent the last couple of weeks building a website. If you’d like to see it, follow this link: www.black-moon.online. There, you’ll find the cover design and a blurb for the book. There’s also a place for visitors to make contact so feel free to send a message. Either way, please do check it out so the visitor counter looks a bit more respectable. In advance, here’s a sneaky peak at the cover design…

Black Moon Variations-1

Publication is coming. I haven’t set the date yet but it’s looking very much like early July. My next post will announce the day. Until then…

Kraitt out!