Those who know me well are aware that I very occasionally slip into a patchy impersonation of Sean Connery. Usually, it’s an attempt to take advantage of a sentence containing a lot of S sounds, but it’s also a tactic to fill an awkward (or otherwise) silence. For those that aren’t used to this, it can come across a little strange. And it is an odd habit; you could say an alarming psychological condition, a form of tourettes – or even tourettsh!
The fact is, you see, I LOVE talking like Sean Connery!
There’s something so expressive about it, as though you’re stretching your pallet – exercising every aspect of your speaking instrument. It’s not just the S sound becoming SH – which is of course perfect for cheap gags like…
“What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?”
…it’s also the languid drawl of the cultured Scotsman (and he is always Scottish, no matter what accent he’s attempting; even winning an Oscar as an Irish beat cop). It just feels so good.
Here are some examples to try at home:
You can also just slip Sean into a conversation, if you don’t mind the odd questioning look. The easiest one is a Connery Affirmative when you are completely in agreement: instead of YES try YEEEEAARSH. Another one for the Connery Beginner, which can be added to the Connery Affirmative, is the Connery Qualifier: OF COORSH. It’s so easy and the whole family can join in.
From there, it can get more advanced. Perhaps I should offer evening classes, or start a school; a Con-dergarten! Or more appropriately, a Shunday Shchool.
Tune in tomorrow. D is for David.